if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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