So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's official drugs can't kill me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
