How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
