You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
