Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
