shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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