This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
