I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
