I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The best revenge is premature balding
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
