who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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