I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
