so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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