I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
