dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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