i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
