I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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