Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
