You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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