What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
