how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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