I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
