my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
