Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
