I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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