i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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