Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
