I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
