i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
