Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
