I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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