i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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