He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So squirting runs in the family.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
