I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
