Are we in a gay sports bar?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
