I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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