I accidentally had phone sex last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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