Can i not drive my cunt home
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
