Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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