My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
