I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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