Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Two words: blizzard sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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