words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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