Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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