Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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