I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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