she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
