I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
