and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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