Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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