i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
