he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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