The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
